A few days ago, I was attending my Spanish lecture. While educating us about the cultures and the norms of her native country Colombia, she pointed out how young adults above the age of 18 living with their parents were considered good-for-nothing. Hearing about adults in India living with their parents beyond the age of 18 is nothing out of the ordinary. My parents, grandparents, and I live in the same house, and so do 95% of the people around me.
While many may defend this as a practice that keeps families together, there's no denying the repercussions on the psyche of an adult child in India. While growing up without the concept of personal space, they also feel increased dependence on their parents or elders to assist them with making the smallest decisions - from what to wear, to even what to say. This only results in incompetence in making bigger choices, where more factors would need to be analysed before taking a final call. While there are a burgeoning number of nuclear families by the day, the bonds within the family stay strong. So how to inculcate the ability to make decisions independently while implementing drastic changes? Simply:
Involve the child in decision making
I remember when I was young, my mother and grandmother once took me shopping to a kids ethnic wear store. They saw a salwar suit and immediately decided that it is the perfect dress for me on my birthday. And I hated the look right from the start, and the experience of wearing it was even worse. So, on the biggest occasion of the year for me, I was screaming on the inside, feeling extremely conscious every time someone looked at me. Engaging with kids to make their own choices gives them confidence in their decision-making skills.
Aim to be reliable but not interfering
Children often look up to their parents for the right advice. The guidance they provide is almost biblical. But parents often end up deciding rather than guiding. Make your kids aware of the possible dangers and make them pay attention to details. Tell them that it's unsafe to go to the deeper end of the pool. But if trained well, she can try.
Let them solve their own problems
Shielding kids from any danger or a problem is an instinct every parent has. But give them the freedom to solve their problems. If you see your little ones struggling to walk, support them but don't handhold them all the time. Sometimes kids take time to zip up their clothes or struggle to fit into their kids' sherwani - let them try again and again.
While many may defend this as a practice that keeps families together, there's no denying the repercussions on the psyche of an adult child in India. While growing up without the concept of personal space, they also feel increased dependence on their parents or elders to assist them with making the smallest decisions - from what to wear, to even what to say. This only results in incompetence in making bigger choices, where more factors would need to be analysed before taking a final call. While there are a burgeoning number of nuclear families by the day, the bonds within the family stay strong. So how to inculcate the ability to make decisions independently while implementing drastic changes? Simply:
Involve the child in decision making
I remember when I was young, my mother and grandmother once took me shopping to a kids ethnic wear store. They saw a salwar suit and immediately decided that it is the perfect dress for me on my birthday. And I hated the look right from the start, and the experience of wearing it was even worse. So, on the biggest occasion of the year for me, I was screaming on the inside, feeling extremely conscious every time someone looked at me. Engaging with kids to make their own choices gives them confidence in their decision-making skills.
Aim to be reliable but not interfering
Children often look up to their parents for the right advice. The guidance they provide is almost biblical. But parents often end up deciding rather than guiding. Make your kids aware of the possible dangers and make them pay attention to details. Tell them that it's unsafe to go to the deeper end of the pool. But if trained well, she can try.
Let them solve their own problems
Shielding kids from any danger or a problem is an instinct every parent has. But give them the freedom to solve their problems. If you see your little ones struggling to walk, support them but don't handhold them all the time. Sometimes kids take time to zip up their clothes or struggle to fit into their kids' sherwani - let them try again and again.
